We are human “beings,” not human “doings.”
When raising my two small children, who are 1.5 years apart, I focused only on the household to-dos and taking care of them. From the minute I woke up until I laid my head to rest at night, and even at night, it was often interrupted by a bad dream, glass of water, or fever.
Even though I had so much to do, I would just pile more have-tos onto my plate.
I would do all the extras because I was supposed to. I sewed my daughter’s dresses so she could twirl, painted murals on bedroom walls, made curtains, drew portraits, did the laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, and cooked meals from scratch. I joined women’s groups, ran church groups, attended mom’s groups, and met up with others at playgrounds and the zoo. I was the one who got everything organized, sorted, and together to leave for any outing.
When there would be a break in the day, sitting on the couch with my kids watching the latest episode of Barney – the purple dinosaur, I was so tired. With that minute to think, I realized I was unhappy.
I would respond by thinking I needed to do more. The busyness of life had left me feeling lost and without direction, seemingly in an endless day-in-day-out with no time for thoughts of my own.
I had become a human doing…
The only time I found for myself was 5:00 AM.
I started taking early-morning walks. In Arizona, that can be one of the consistently cooler times of the day, so it worked perfectly.
I imagined I would talk to God on those walks, but I didn’t feel so much like talking that early. So, I walked quietly.
It wasn’t long before I felt emotions surfacing from the silence.
I heard the birds as they fluttered for food. I smelled the grass beneath the early-morning sprinklers. I felt the sunrise and saw the sparkles and contrasting shadows emerge.
These walks became my quiet church services.
And I began to hear my voice.
But it wasn’t the self-criticism I had begun to get used to. Somehow, those messages no longer fit into those peaceful walks.
Instead, I assured myself I was doing everything “right.” I was married. I had children. I had a degree. Really, my life “checked all the boxes.”
So… why was I saying all this through tears?
I tried to make sense of it, and I figured it out.
The life I had created was a never-ending, all-consuming drain on my energy – my life force.
I felt trapped, so it’s no wonder I was sad, irritated, and depressed.
I should be happy, but something was missing. There had to be something more to life than this.
Where was the joy, the passion, the excitement, the glee in everyday delights?
Everything was gray, muted, with no color, brightness, curiosity, growth, or intrigue.
There was nothing to look forward to and nothing to look back on with fondness.
I was numb.
Checked out… going through the motions.
We HAVE to find silence in the chaos.
Making time for myself was key to my very survival. If I failed this time, it would be from a lack of imagination. In silence, I started to understand that I was really searching for the answer to the elusive question of how to be happy.
I reclaimed my power as I sat in meditation, stretched in yoga class, painted in studios, and walking became the familiar running I had done all my life.
I discovered I had anxiety that needed to be calmed as well as sadness. I jumped out of the loop of busyness to exhaustion, and I set boundaries to maintain my energy and balance.
I had to acknowledge that my busyness was really people-pleasing, and I had to understand why. I started peeling off the layers of why it was so important that everything needed to be done just right all the time.
Find your happy place
When I started to uncover the reasons for my human doing-ness, I realized that it didn’t define me – and that I was much more than what I accomplished.
As I leaned into living like a human that is allowed just to be, I discovered a vast landscape to be explored and new terrain to be discovered every moment and every day.
I learned that growth, change, and movement are eternal and there for us to claim.
My life purpose is to help you reclaim your power and discover your life and soul purpose. And with this compass keeping you on the course, you too can live mindfully and intentionally daily in your happy place.
Are you ready to explore?
Get your binoculars out and your pith hat on. Pull out the hiking boots from the back of the closet. Get your explorers notebook and pencil in hand.
Leave the breadcrumbs at home – you won’t be coming back the same way.
It’s time to go on an adventure. A true hero’s journey, where you brave the unknown and slay the dragons. Find support and encouragement along the way, and in the end, discover yourself.
Call me for a free 15-minute consultation at (785) 817-0517.
I can answer any questions you might have, and you can decide if you would like me to be your trusted companion along the way.