Yes, we’re accepted more than ever today, but…
The wounds are still there.
Being shunned by those you once thought were your friends and disowned by family – never to hear from them again.
Mandatory HIV testing whenever you go to the doctor, Urgent Care, or ER.
Not being able to have your partner or spouse with you in the hospital because you are not recognized as family.
Having to adopt the children that you had together with your partner.
Traveling to another state to get married or fighting for marriage rights – equal rights.
You’ve been refused services provided to others.
Not being able to use the bathroom of your identified gender or not being able to participate in school sports.
The constant name-calling, being beaten up, threatened, and intimidated.
The subtle disregard is still there.
Language is powerful and starts very young as we teach our children subtle and not-so-subtle ways of girl and boy colors. To identify by gender – dividing into groups of boys and girls.
Countless forms we complete only allow for husband and wife requesting only maternity or paternity leave. Having only options of mom and dad on parent forms for our children.
Not getting promoted at work, being fired, and not being able to get housing
The judgment, ridicule, mocking, and violence… they’re all still there.
So, we hide in various ways.
We hide by not being authentic, open, and honest with our friends, family, acquaintances, and ourselves.
When I came out as gay, my family disowned me, and I believed this would be the response from others.
As I lived my daily life, I began to edit what I talked about – noticing how others in my office could openly talk about their weekends with their families, partners, and spouses, and I dared not. I was quiet to protect myself and became increasingly isolated and closed off.
I stopped going to my women’s group. I stopped going to church. In public, I looked around to be sure no one was looking before I held my girlfriend’s hand.
Raising my two young children became about protecting them, too. Fearful that they would be excluded from play dates and birthday parties, I became less and less involved in their school life.
I lost a lot of weight that first year after I came out and started having intense headaches daily. I went to a doctor to see if there was something wrong. During the appointment, he asked me if I had anything going on in my life, changes, or anything stressful. I was too ashamed and afraid to tell him, “Why yes, I’ve come out as gay, my parents disowned me, and I’m trying to keep my life together at all costs!”
Not until then did I even consider that it wasn’t a medical issue. The MRI came back showing I was just fine.
Being a member of the LGBTQIA+ community…
It doesn’t define you.
You are more than your sexuality, your gender, and who you date. These details need to be defined, clarified, and embraced so you are free from anxiety, hurt, depression, and shame. Then you can tap into your skills, talents, dreams, and goals.
It doesn’t limit you.
In fact, you have more choices on how to live because you are not confined to a box of shoulds and have-to. You are unique, and know it!
It doesn’t mean you’re less than.
It means you get to discover all that you are!
A safe place to wrestle with your questions and challenges…
“Am I trans? Do I have to get surgery? Will anyone ever want to date me?”
“Am I gay? How do I know for sure?”
“Is this a phase?”
“Do I tell my family? How?”
“How do I tell my friends?”
“Do I have to come out?”
“I’m afraid…”
You don’t have anyone to talk to because you don’t know yourself. There are so many questions and fears about how others will respond. It might even mean an entire life change.
I know – I’ve been there. I can lead the way and help you wrestle with the tough questions. I can help you sort out your confusion, help you see all that you are and can become, and help you visualize a hopeful future.
Finding your path to authenticity…
You can find the right path for you and begin living your authentic life.
Together, we’ll explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences that have gotten you where you are today.
We’ll define your strengths and build up your coping skills to increase your awareness and hopefulness as you learn to manage your fears or anxious thoughts.
Learning what this community means for you…
Does it mean you now have to walk in a parade waving a rainbow flag?
Do you have to dress to fit the stereotype of gay?
Do you have to talk a certain way?
Get angry and indignant when others are insensitive or unsupportive?
Wear rainbow everything – all the time?
Be out to everyone?
Remember, you are still you. And you can find your community within the community. Just because we all are gay or trans or queer doesn’t mean we will connect with everyone that identifies this way. Being a part of a community means having like-minded support.
You can relax and be yourself when you are around others like you.
There is a way through…
… the anxiety, depression, confusion, and pain to a place where you are happy and proud of who you are.
A fulfilling life full of authenticity and meaningful relationships is waiting for you!
I am gay. I am on the board of Topeka Pride. I have helped LGBTQIA+ individuals and families become healthier, stronger, and more accepting for over 30 years.
Let me be your ally. Call today, and let’s schedule your consultation: (785) 817-0517.